Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Another day at home

So today I chose to take it easy and do nothing but watch television and clean up the apartment a bit. Our dog was only too eager to partake in my lazy day by taking turns sleeping on the couch and our bed. It was a gorgeous day outside today with no humidity and just a nice mild temperature. Today is the day "Eclipse" comes out in theaters. It's part of the Twilight saga for those of you who have been living in a cave for the last couple years. How many of you are actually going to wait in lines for hours just to be the first to see it today? Although I really enjoyed reading the books and have been equally excited for each movie to come to theaters, I just can't bear the thought of standing in line to see any movie, not even Sex and the City. So I know I will be waiting until the initial chaos wears off. With July 4th weekend coming up, it may very well be a possibility on my possible list of plans.

Right now I'm watching "Dave" on the lifetime channel. Such a great movie but what do you think its message really is? Are the American people just so stupid and ignorant that they would automatically think someone is the President just because a bunch of his staffers came out and said so? That's some food for thought.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Back from an unintended and far too long absence

Sorry everyone but somehow I managed to find excuses not to write on this blog everyday like I had originally promised. Well, I hope to resume this blog again and be the talk of the town one day. So, a lot has happened since my last blog and although I had just began discussing what life was like at my old firm, the time has mostly dried up some of my open wounds. I'm not saying that I will ever forget what happened there or how people, including myself were treated but I have been in the kind of mind-set that is screaming loud and clear for me to JUST MOVE ON. This is what I try to do every single day of my unemployed life.

All I can say is thank god for document review (doc review) staffing agencies. They have allowed me to make really good money, although never on a permanent basis. I just finished a project which serendipitously turned out to be about two months long. This was such a wonderful feeling...commuting and working in Manhattan like a real employee. All this time I still feel inadequate as I yearn for the permanent position both my mind and soul crave so very much.

When I find myself at home in between doc review projects, that's when my sanity seems to waiver. I sit alone at home and ponder way too many "what-if" situations and dream of old times when things seemed so much easier. I also think of the future and hope that all the work, education and money put into my life will actually be worth it one day. How many of us actually believe we got the full return on our investments that we initially imagined we would? Maybe it's too early in my life to see a return on my investment just yet but at this point it feels like I'm already in the red. During my time at home reflecting on life and my career I still try to stay positive. Let me tell you, it's a huge struggle to be an optimist, especially since I'm a staunch pessimist, just ask anyone who knows me. Anytime I think positively, it's all due to my husband who told me that it's the best way to live. So, I'm working my way towards becoming cautiously optimistic, a marked improvement from where I once was.

Tomorrow I will be home, as I have not been placed on another project at the moment. Wish me luck that I may continue to think positively and have the strength to believe in myself like I once did when I was in high school and thought I could conquer the world. Goodnight all!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Lack of much-needed supervision

I've decided to continue with the next part of my blog, skipping out of order and continuing on with my life at TULF. I think I will have to break up each blog entry by specific complaints I have at TULF.

When I was interviewed I was told that I would have a supervisor but not really any mentoring or proper supervision. Interesting, considering I was a first-year attorney and without proper guidance I would most likely fail at everything I'd be doing. Not to toot my own horn, but the only reason I even succeeded at TULF was due to my inate ability to learn quickly. I also took it upon myself to engage in a lot of self-teaching. After two weeks it became quite clear that I wasn't going to be taught anything. I was told to draft letters, make phone calls to other attorneys, and eventually go to court, with little to no supervision. Look, I never would blame my supervisor, especially after some time passed and I stepped into his shoes (a completely separate story). He was in a very bad situation. He had to report to the partner, do his own work, make tons of phone calls and also deal with me. He was a really nice, down to earth guy, who by the end of his time at TULF began to be very much on edge...a kind of affect that was not surprising. I guess I was a bit surprised but not shocked when he told me that he was leaving TULF. I do honestly believe that his departure brought forth the "Reign of Horror." Prior to his departure, we would all leave early on Fridays, we all used to eat lunch together and just the general atmosphere in the office was much less toxic. Most of us didn't actually fear for our jobs on a daily basis. After my supervisor's departure the environment instantly tensed up. The last two weeks that my supervisor was working at TULF, he told me how much I've improved and how great I'd gotten at drafting letters, contracts, and dealing with clients. He also told me how happy clients were with me. It's good to know that all my extremely hard work was paying off somehow.

Oh, and it was announced to me that Ashley would become my new supervisor. She is a brilliant attorney and I always admired and looked to her for advice but I honestly have to say I was surprised. First, she didn't have any background in the specific area of practice I was working in and she would need some time to learn, which would leave her with very little time for me (yet again). Secondly, in the months leading up to the announcement of Ashley becoming my supervisor there were many issues between her and the senior heads (all of which was no big secret around the office). Thankfully for her, they changed their minds (which they do a lot) and gave her the promotion.

I discussed with Ashley many months later because I had always wondered after they offered her the position if they possibly were motivated by setting her up to fail. It could have been a stretch but for those of you that don't know these people, it could very well have been possible. On the other hand, devising a plan like that would only imply they are capable of cunning and intelligent thoughts, which is rather far-fetched.

The ongoing theme of lack of any mentoring or quality supervision continues throughout this blog and still continues to date at TULF. They hire brand new associates fresh out of law school so that they can pay them little to nothing. However, there is never the ability to teach the associates anything. They never build a true foundation of skills they can use for the rest of their careers. They just pick things up here and there. Oh, and if you screw up, which is bound to happen because of the underlying issue of improper supervision, they then treat you like the biggest moron on the planet. You are belittled, criticized, and even yelled at. Sometimes you are even treated as though you are a 2nd grader being scolded by a principal. Wow, I didn't know I had to go to law school and come out the other side just to be treated like a snail on the sidewalk.

And so, I assumed my role as subordinate to my friend...really weird feeling, not knowing how to deal with it. Would it ruin our friendship? Would I find out if she was really a true friend that I would have for life? Only time would tell.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Just as I thought...

My job placement assistance interview was nothing short of a disappointment. I showed up thinking I had a one-on-one meeting with NYS Department of Labor employee. Well, that is not what happened. I was pointed in the direction of a room in which there were already about 15 people sitting behind tables. There was a woman speaking explaining the unemployment benefits process. She then commenced a monologue on how the job market has drastically changed, how now you need a resume before you are even offered an interview. Ummm, hello!!! What is she talking about? For at least the past 10-15 years, maybe longer, employers have required resumes. Although, I'm sure she should have clarified that this requirement is probably something new for job sectors such as sales clerks or wait staff. She further explained that it is crucial to network because sitting at home is not going to get us jobs any faster. Wow, could she have been any more enlightening? Anyway, the highlight of the entire 1 hour event occurred in the aftermath of the distribution of handouts with various company websites that are hiring. Well, just as I surmised, jobs for sales clerks, hotel desk attendants, bank tellers, aquarium employees, etc. were all the jobs available. Additionally, said the all-knowing lady, the NYS Department of Labor even had various programs and apprenticeships to teach us how to repair boilers and air conditioners.

So I said to myself after ZERO help during this session, perhaps I should ask this lady if they offer any help for attorneys. When I told her "Hi, I'm an attorney and I'm wondering if you offer any programs geared toward my profession," she responds to me by saying, "Don't they have programs for you people, like doctors and stuff." I said, "well no, not really." She replies that the courts have bulletin boards and I should look there. WOW!!!!!!!! She's the most brilliant human being I've ever met. Bulletin boards!! First off, I used to go to court almost every day and when I was in law school worked in a court every day for the summer. At NO time did I ever see postings for jobs...volunteer positions, definitely, but I wasn't about to tell Mrs. Know-it-all that. Secondly, any court-related job openings are all posted on the New York State Courts System website, which is no surprise to most of you. So, I merely replied, okay, thank you and was more than happy to get the h*ll out of there.

That experience really bummed me out. Is there really any hope for me? For any attorneys? I'm now labeled as "you people." I used to be proud to say I'm an attorney, now I'm just mildly ashamed. It's only worthy of pride if you are an EMPLOYED attorney, not a UNEMPLOYED ATTORNEY, because then it's just pathetic. I figured it was the perfect time for some much needed retail therapy, plus I really needed a pair of black flat shoes...so why not aid in the stimulation of our economy.

After coming home, I browsed all the usual job sites and could not even find one job to apply for. Everyone is either looking for a receptionist, paralegel or a secretary. Why am I slowly starting to think that I just wasted 3 years and $100,000.00. People are saying the economy is starting to pick up. I truly hope that happens fast.

I'm keeping my chin up, tomorrow's another day!

Going a bit off course...

I'm sorry to disappoint those of you who are reading this but I am going to veer a little bit off the chronological course of this blog and jump ahead to where I am at in life right now. Well, as can be deduced from the title of my blog, I am in fact unemployed. SHHHHH, it's top secret, I don't want anyone to know. As many of you can imagine, telling cohorts, friends, and family that you are unemployed can be a bit embarrassing. I have to come clean with all of you, I was initially ashamed of being unemployed, but I have gradually come to terms with it.

Don't get me wrong, I have in no way become comfortable in my present situation and everyday am vehemently searching for a job. As many of you know, however, such a search is proving to be rather fruitless considering the state of our nation's economy. With unemployment rates at an all time high, I cannot say that I'm proud to be contributing to the statistic. Even the temporary jobs are not as prevalent as they once used to be and the pay is even more pathetic.

I'm sure you've all seen job postings for attorney positions stating a salary of $40,000/year, sometimes even less than that. How is that supposed to even pay for our living expenses never mind our enormous law school loans.

I did not go to a top ten law school, therefore I did not get a BigLaw job lined up right after graduation, which is now putting me in a worse position than those BigLaw attorneys who were laid off. At least they made big bucks for however short a period. When the market picks up again, those people will be the first ones rehired, while people like me who went to reasonably good law school, did well, and only has small law firm experience may be considered useless. For those small firms that would hire someone like me, their firm overhead only permits them to provide a measly salary.

While I aggressively job hunt, I am in fact collecting unemployment every week that I'm not working at any temp jobs. Thank you to the New York State Department of Labor for the $405/week. Oh and lets not forget the extra $25 on top of that, provided courtesy of the federal government (i.e., Mr. Obama). I will have to pay that back eventually though, so I wish that I didn't even receive it in the first place. I know that it helps those who are in much worse circumstances than I, but I would much rather be given the money straight up or not at all.

Recently, I received a letter in the mail from the New York State Department of Labor stating that they've scheduled me for a job placement assistance interview. This interview cannot be rescheduled or cancelled for any reason. If I do not show up, then it may result in a cancellation of my unemployment benefits. This appointment is at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow. It's pretty funny that they've scheduled an attorney for this interview, considering I doubt they would be able to help me. We shall see what tomorrow brings...perhaps I will be given very useful advice in my job hunt or I will be told to go look for a job at McDonalds or maybe Starbucks. Hmmmm, now that's an idea...good benefits and a steady minimum wage salary, I will definitely sleep on that! Goodnight all!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The jungle of life (literally)

Judging by where I left off with my first entry last night, I'm sure you can all imagine the nature of tonight's topic. While beginning my so-called glorious attorney career with the naive notions that I would wow my superiors and stun them with my intellect, I soon found out that would only last for 2 months ("Honeymoon period"). Not only did I stay later than other associates, I started coming in on Saturdays after I began my second month at TULF. Occasionally, associates were actually allowed to leave at 6:00-6:30 p.m. on Fridays, but that was no longer allowed after one of the more senior associates left. I instantly hit it off with another associate, who had started at TULF just a couple months before I did but had a couple years of experience. For purposes of this blog, I will call her Ashley. We became fast friends and had a lot of fun hanging out outside the office. The senior associate worked closely with Ashley doing litigation and when I first started at TULF, they worked very well together. However, after 1-2 months, their work relationship began crumbling and numerous arguments took place. As I came to realize, it was impossible to please this guy. He claimed everyone was smarter than him, yet, he seemed to always act as though he was the smartest in the office.

That's about it for tonight...more tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

May the blogging begin...

So after watching the movie "Julie and Julia" and carefully considering the level of dedication involved in creating a blog, I believe I have just signed up for a rather difficult task. This first blog entry will provide those who care with a bit of a background into my life and how I stumbled upon blogging.

Although I haven't had much of an interesting life, I have definitely had my share of quirky and rather humorous experiences over the course of my 27 years. The bulk of my past is irrelevant at this point but for present purposes the only necessary facts stem from the events which took place from a year in the not so distant future.

It was a huge year in my life. Not only did I get engaged to the love of my life but I also made a decision that would impact the rest of my life...I took the LSAT and applied to law schools. To make a long story somewhat shorter, I made the hard decision of going to law school in Michigan. After 3 years of law school, I finally felt comfortable living in the state of the arctic winters (and I thought New York was bad in the winter). However, it was always the plan that I would move back home right after graduation and sit for the NY Bar Exam. So just as planned, at the end of May I began Bar prep classes, studied my tushy off, basically giving up all social activities and prayed that I would pass this ominous Exam on the first try. Finally, the 2-day Exam came and went and waiting until mid-November to find out the results probably caused more havoc on my mind than the actual studying. You can all stop holding your breath or thinking that I failed because I actually PASSED ON THE FIRST TRY! I believe that it was one of the biggest accomplishments of my life (probably doesn't speak much about me, but oh well).

Anyway, I wasn't one of those people who had tons of family connections or went to a top tier law school and had a job waiting for me as soon as I graduated. Nope, although I consider myself a very intelligent and hard-working person, someone who could have been one of those people, I wasn't and I just had to deal with it. After I passed the exam, I revised my resume and continued sending my resume out through craigslist and various law school career sites. In December, just when I thought it would take another couple months to find that first job, 2 different firms expressed interest and wanted to schedule interviews. Silly me, being really anxious to nab a job, I went to the first interview with this small firm. The interview could not have been more perfect. I thought, "Wow, I aced this, how could they not love me." Sure enough I was offered the job on the spot. I was shocked and couldn't believe that even happens in real life. I thought there were usually rounds of interviews, not instantaneous offers.

In retrospect, I should have said thank you for your offer and told them I needed a few days to think about it. I still don't know if the couple days of thinking would have changed my ultimate answer but it was definitely silly to immediately say yes to a job. Of course, all the crucial questions were asked by me before I accepted. I was told there was no vacation for 1 year, there would be health insurance after a certain period of months, and of course the salary. I thought no vacation for 1 year was probably normal, wasn't 100% sure that was the common practice in law firms but who was I to argue considering I knew nothing. It was conveyed to me by the partner that the firm was very generous with salaries and bonuses so that aspect obviously sounded very appealing, as it would to any new attorney who had hundreds of thousands of dollars in loans to pay off.

So I started the job with the law firm whose name I will not disclose but instead will name it "Tiny Unimportant Law Firm" a/k/a "TULF"

My next blog entry will delve into some of the rather interesting experiences I encountered while working at TULF. For now, I'm off to bed, leaving those of you who are reading this with a final thought: Just because you are a very educated individual, doesn't mean you have the ability to act like an animal and treat human beings like less, yet what is it in your mind that makes you think it's acceptable?