Sorry everyone but somehow I managed to find excuses not to write on this blog everyday like I had originally promised. Well, I hope to resume this blog again and be the talk of the town one day. So, a lot has happened since my last blog and although I had just began discussing what life was like at my old firm, the time has mostly dried up some of my open wounds. I'm not saying that I will ever forget what happened there or how people, including myself were treated but I have been in the kind of mind-set that is screaming loud and clear for me to JUST MOVE ON. This is what I try to do every single day of my unemployed life.
All I can say is thank god for document review (doc review) staffing agencies. They have allowed me to make really good money, although never on a permanent basis. I just finished a project which serendipitously turned out to be about two months long. This was such a wonderful feeling...commuting and working in Manhattan like a real employee. All this time I still feel inadequate as I yearn for the permanent position both my mind and soul crave so very much.
When I find myself at home in between doc review projects, that's when my sanity seems to waiver. I sit alone at home and ponder way too many "what-if" situations and dream of old times when things seemed so much easier. I also think of the future and hope that all the work, education and money put into my life will actually be worth it one day. How many of us actually believe we got the full return on our investments that we initially imagined we would? Maybe it's too early in my life to see a return on my investment just yet but at this point it feels like I'm already in the red. During my time at home reflecting on life and my career I still try to stay positive. Let me tell you, it's a huge struggle to be an optimist, especially since I'm a staunch pessimist, just ask anyone who knows me. Anytime I think positively, it's all due to my husband who told me that it's the best way to live. So, I'm working my way towards becoming cautiously optimistic, a marked improvement from where I once was.
Tomorrow I will be home, as I have not been placed on another project at the moment. Wish me luck that I may continue to think positively and have the strength to believe in myself like I once did when I was in high school and thought I could conquer the world. Goodnight all!
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